He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
