i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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