My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
