He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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