what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
