Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
