you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
