I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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