it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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