so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
