How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
