I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
