I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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