Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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