I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i came on her dog
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
