i wish there were pregnant emoticons
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
