From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
