One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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