so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
