And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
