Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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