she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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