P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
