so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
