And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
