Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize