Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
