god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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