Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
