Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
