Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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