This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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