OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
