Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I didn't notice because vodka
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
