love makes seman taste better
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
