Plan B is the new Plan A
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
