I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
