Are we in a gay sports bar?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
