Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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