Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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