the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You're completely useless in the revolution.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
