ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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