good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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