I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
