I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
