I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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