I'm so fucking centered right now
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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