If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
