I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
