I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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