he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
