Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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