I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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