my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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