I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
