dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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