We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
