Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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