I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
