Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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