haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
