Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
