Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
