DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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