So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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