last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
