how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
