I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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