I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize