Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
