That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
