i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
