so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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