I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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