Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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