Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
