Apparently you make a good broom.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
