All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
NoShamevember. You game?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
