and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
