you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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