"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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