You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
