Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
