spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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