Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When are your genitals available?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize