im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
