my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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